Our glorious walk

I wrote this a few weeks ago after an interesting experience with my boys. I hope you enjoy it.
We went on a walk today to "get refreshed and rejuvinated". What we got instead was grumpy, sweaty and annoyed with each other. These are the things I learned today on my "peaceful, happy stroll"
1. Keenan is FAR too young to ride his bike along side me, he runs over my toes, gets tired way too easy, stop to look and imaginary junk, and steers like a drunk man.
2. Keenan is terrified of ants and if he ever sees one walking on the sidewalk, he makes a WIDE arc around it on someones lawn, which means he has to get off his bike and walk it because he is a weakling and can't ride on grass yet.
3. Coley's whine only amplifies outside, so that the entire neighborhood can enjoy the high squeaking serenade coming from my pouty faced four year old.
4. A walk is neither "refreshing" or "rejuvinating" when one has two young children in tow, who believe that they should be in front of each other and insist on yelling at each other each time one takes the lead.
5. Keenan likes to collect things, so the space he has in his bike was jammed so full of sticks, weeds, rocks, dead bugs, mud, the occasional leaf, and a deflated ball, that he can't sit properly on it and has to sit so far forward on the seat that he is crammed up against the handle bars and complains that (and I quote) "my peepee hurts".
6. A walk should never be done 15 minutes before naptime and NEVER before lunch, I did both of these and realized my mistake at the end of my driveway, but alas, it was too late.
7. Cole is afraid of loud noises, strangers, puppies, spiders, dark spaces and rain, all of which were present on our excursion.
8. It should be a reasonable expectation that when people go on walks, their children should NOT Poop in the diapers and pee their pants and SHOULD go before they leave or when they get home, someone forgot to mention that to my little men.
9. If you want to have a pleasant stroll, don't ever walk DOWN a hill, because that means to get home, you have to walk back UP the hill
10. To have a fulfilling walk, never walk more than 20 minutes or else you threaten the rain gods who are waiting for you to be as far away from your home as you possibly can get before they unleah their fury upon your unassuming head.
11.And finally, if one is going to go on a "refreshing and rejuvinating" walk, she better dang well be on some exotic beach or in some beautiful forest full of fairies and unicorns because otherwise, she will just be doing what the rest of the world is doing..... trudging.